Skulduggery Pleasant - Stuck
by goXve
Summary: Skulduggery is meditating and Valkyrie is bored. She tries to wake him up but fails. She then gets an idea that will have dire consequences...


She was bored. _So very bored._ Why did he just sit there instead of having a conversation with her? She, which was the worlds funniest person and that everyone loved! Or at least respected, since they knew that she was a person you do not want to become your enemy.

She looked at the skeleton that sat on the floor below her feet with his back turned towards her. He did not move and could have been mistaken for a regular, non-living skeleton that she had dressed up in a suit because it amused her. At least she hoped that's what people would think if one or more mortals looked in through the window for some reason.

She sighed and sat up from the couch she had lain in to then walk over to the skeleton on the floor. She sat down on her knees in front of him and looked into his eye sockets. Normally she would have been able to read a lot of things in those eye sockets, but now they were as dead as he seemed to be where he sat motionless on the floor.

He was meditating, and when Skulduggery was meditating he was gone from the world. Where he went when he meditated Valkyrie Cain did not know and she did not have the patience that is required to meditate herself.

She sat even closer so their faces was just a couple of centimeters from each other. Skulduggery still did not move and Valkyrie found herself wondering if this was not a test from Skulduggery's side. Maybe he didn't meditate at all, but just pretended to see how long she could stand it.

A smile could be seen on her lips. A thought had just struck her. If now Skulduggery was just pretending to meditate, how far could she go before he would get tired of her and "wake up"?

Valkyrie started making faces and wave her hands in front of Skulduggery's face. When he did not react to that she did a lot of annoying sounds. Skulduggery still did not react. She frowned and gave his arm an annoying shove. His body rocked a little, but that was also all that happened.

Now she started to become really irritated and impatient. She pushed her fingers hard against Skulduggery's arm again, then she went to his thorax but stopped just as quick when her fingers disappeared in between his ribs.

Skulduggery had still not moved or reacted to her touch. She sighed irritated and pushed her fingers through his eye sockets and moved her fingers up and down inside them. Not even this act made Skulduggery wake up.

"Okay, you give me no other choice, Skulduggery. I don't want to do this, but feel I am forced to." Valkyrie took a deep, calming breath to make her beating heart stop beating so hard. "This is your last chance, Skulduggery. If you are just pretending to meditate it's time you 'wake up' now."

No answer.

"You asked for it."

Quickly, before she had time to regret it, she pushed her right hand's index- and middle finger inside Skulduggery's nasal cavities. She regretted it in the same moment when her fingers was embraced by Skulduggery's bones. The feeling made her shiver. It reminded her a little of how she felt when she was affected by claustrophobia.

"This maybe wasn't such a good idea after all..." she muttered to herself and pulled out her fingers.

Or that was what she _intended_ to do, but noticed pretty soon that it didn't work. She tried again, but with the same result. She moved her fingers and noticed that it was the middle part of her fingers that was stuck, since she could move her fingertips without problem.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Valkyrie hissed and pulled harder.

She should not had done that. Instead of forcing her fingers out her tug of war just resulted in that her fingers hurt more and that they stuck even more.

 _Just great... You've just managed to make your fingers into a Chinese finger trap, Valkyrie! s_ he thought and sighed irritated. _You and your fucking impatience!_

Her heart was beating so hard that the sound echoed inside her head and she felt how sweat beads started to build in her forehead. She started to panic and had to fight herself not to scream out loud. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down, but it was hard. Thoughts about how long she could be forced to sit there appeared in her head. What would she do if she did not manage to wake up Skulduggery and had to sit there the whole night?

As if Skulduggery had read her thoughts he said: "What are your fingers doing in my nasal cavities?"

Valkyrie screamed and flinched, which resulted in that pain from her fingers went through her hand and onward through the rest of her body. "Skulduggery! Don't scare me like that! Ow... That hurt..."

"Excuse me, but it is after all you that is disturbing me in my meditation and that has your fingers in my nose."

"I was bored! I actually tried to wake you up in other ways, but it didn't work! It's not my fault that you are meditating so deep!"

Skulduggery laughed. "Imagine, we've known each other for 13 years now and you still haven't learned that when I meditate I'm gone from the world unless something in my direct nearness disturbes me."

"I have learned!" Valkyrie said angrily and gave Skulduggery a shove with her free hand. "I just didn't think that I literally would have to poke my fingers inside you to make you react."

"That you had not need to, either. If you had only shoved me a little I would have woken up."

"I did that, but you did not react!"

"That was only to see how far you were willing to go. If you now excuse me, I will go back to my meditation for another couple hours." Before Valkyrie had time to protest Skulduggery had "fallen asleep" again.

Valkyrie screamed and hit Skulduggery on the shoulder even if she knew it was no use. He did this just to tease her and teach her a lesson for being so impatient. Despite how much she did not like the situation she found herself in she would have to wait until Skulduggery was done and then beg him to get loose.

She awoke with a flinch from Skulduggery's voice that said her name. She opened her eyes and looked up into Skulduggery's black eye sockets. He smiled and tilted his head extremely little not to hurt her sore fingers too much.

"Time to wake up, sleepyhead."

Valkyrie yawned and rubbed her eyes with her free hand. "Hi... How long have I been sleeping?"

"A few hours. How are your fingers?"

"I have no feeling in them for the time being, so I would become really thankful if you could release them now."

Skulduggery chuckled and lifted one of his hands. He made a quick movement and a gust of air lay around Valkyrie's fingers and forced them out from Skulduggery's nasal cavities with a plop.

"Oh..." Valkyrie moaned when she was released and lay her fingers against her chest. She closed her eyes for a few seconds to get used to the pain before she opened her eyes and looked at her fingers. "I don't think they're broken, which I am extremely glad for."

"That's nice to hear." Skulduggery smiled at her before he tilted his head in a way that told Valkyrie that he would have lifted an eyebrow if he had had one. "Well, what have we learned from this little adventure?"

"Shut up..." Valkyrie muttered and hit Skulduggery on the arm with her wounded hand, which made her scream in pain and Skulduggery to laugh out loud.


End file.
